please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
