plz talk dirty to me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
