and you said cock pushups were impossible
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
