Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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