fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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