you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
