the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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