Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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