I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
