My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
