your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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