So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
