note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
