Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
