he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
