How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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