I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
what day is it and did you see me today?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
