I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
