You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
