Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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