im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
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