I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
