I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
