So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
