I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
