I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
