Don't you send me to vm
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
