I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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