Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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