Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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