If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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