I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Even my vagina gasped.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
