I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
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