Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
