tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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