Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
birth control should be required to get into college
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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