we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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