She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
