Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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