I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
