Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
