your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing