Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
