Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.