omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
