I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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