toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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