I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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