My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
