rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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