You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woke up backwards on a recliner
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
