Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
