Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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