my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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