Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Semen is not good for contacts.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
