you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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