just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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